How Important is it to Listen? ~ How Important is it to Be Available?

How Important is it to Care?

This is a True Story:

In July of 2001 a boy took his life at the age of 20. He had a seemingly wonderful life according to his father, step mother, maternal father and maternal step mother - They did the best they could often was spoken by them. What could have possibly happened to this wonderful boy? What did all of the people in his life do to help him? How could this be?

The real story begins when the boys maternal grandparents forced him away from his young mother at the age of 5 and told him stories when he asked where his mommy was, that he was just left there one day and never picked up, and when they were upset, they told him that his mother didn't want him. The grandparents really did not have a good understanding of what that can do to a child, believing they did the right thing by removing him from the young mother. Several months passed, as a costly court battle ensued as the mother fought hard to get her boy back, but she ran out of money to continue the fight. In Pittsburgh, the grandfather had a stronghold, as a leader in the community and well versed to all of the tricks of the legal system to cause the naive 24 year old mother many many problems. The mother was forced by the court to sign over temporary custody to the grandparents, so the boy could be enrolled in school. The boy, enrolled in the same school as his mother, demonstrated in public his dislike of the situation by acting out and being disruptive. The mother had visitation and would see the child as often as the grandparents let her. This did not comfort the child, rather the child was so upset desperate to make everything O.K. with the people he loved. The grandparents threatened the mother to stop visiting the boy, that she was the cause of all of his problems. Agonized, the mother gave in to them, not wanting anymore strain in his young little life. The mother justified to herself, the grandparents who were much wealthier than she could imagine at the time, could give the boy more than she could. With her own trauma from her parents, the mother felt she could only do one thing and that was to love him enough to let him be free and happy. Over the years, she tried to get updates about the boy, no one would respond to her, nor answer her letters or phone calls. There was serious retribution from the grandparents, if they found out that anyone answered any of the the mother's inquiries. Several years passed since the grandparents took the boy, the boys father had come back into his life. He was remarried and decided to take the boy from his grandparents home. Willingly, the grandparents gave the child to his father, as they judged him to be stable and he wanted to take the boy to Europe to his duty station. The child soon found himself in an environment that did not present itself to be very warm and welcoming. He attempted suicide several times as an adolescent, and was told to "Suck it up", "What is wrong with you anyway?", "Let me give you something to be upset about." It has been reported that the boy while in Europe, was beaten by his step mother, locked out of the family home, not fed when he was hungry, further reinforcing the stories that there was something wrong with HIM. The family moved back to the States where the father retired from the military, the boy soon left. He roamed alone, from place to place, writing dramaticly sad poetry and drawing beautiful angry pictures, looking for acceptance. He found a place for himself in the Gothic Movement, where he immediately was accepted for his melancholy thoughts and his suicide attempts. The boy was desperate for love, desperate to fit in, desperate for acceptance. He never truly found any of those things, as he was cast aside by his father, just as he thought his mother did, which only reinforced the festering questions in his conciousness of "What is the matter with me?", "Why doesn't anyone love me?" He agonized about these things most of his young life...The pain finally ended for him 1:30 p.m. July 3, 2001 when he took his life.

The fallout of this, as you can imagine, was nothing but blame. Everyone blamed the mother, that was forced to give him up. They were so angry with her that they didn't even bother to let her know until August 22, 2001 of her son's death. The grandparents currently behave like nothing really happened, The father lives very comfortably with his wife's children and grand children in Nebraska.

That mother, currently works to help save other children from the same fate. That mother never wants another family to go through the same pain and agony as she experienced twice, by losing her child temporarily then permanently.

I am that mother and Co-Founder of Serenity Quest Foundation - Pamela Kirich Delaney. Keith Christopher Kenny always will be my son and in my heart.

PTSD manifests when environmental sensitivities occur such as, not being heard, or feeling invalidated or unimportant, abandonment, parents fighting, losing a parent, losing a home, these are all huge traumas to a person, regardless of age. Things said to children in anger can impact them far into the future. When we are too busy to take a moment with our children to find out what is hurting them, the hurt stays with them until they find ways for release. What may be important to a child doesn't have to be important to you, just listen. If a child is hurt from something you caused, talk to them, take control, and tell them they are loved. Don't let another moment go by - Look for signs - Call your child, or friend or spouse anyone that is in distress and listen. Don't let another second go by, it is one second too long for many loved ones to be in a hopeless place.

I too have been a part of PTSD from a very young age. I have spent my entire life finding ways to process the events that have compiled my life. I am an expert in the field and feel that these methods can help anyone.

Everyone that has spent some time in a Post Traumatic Stress environment can see and recognize the signs in others. Traumas are not up for evaluation, nor judgment - only acceptance and love.